What you think?

by - 12:00 AM

I remember this day, this moment, like it was yesterday. I remember, when one day somebody asked me the question, inconspicuous, little meaning question: "What you think, what kind of feeling it is to be popular?". My answer also stucked in mind very well: "The recognizability and a lot of hate, nothing interesting or pleasant. I would like to never have such a situation in my life."
It was five years ago. From this everyday, normal talk five years passed. Five long years, when everything changed against one hundred eighty degrees. I was an ordinary, shy and timid thirteen-year-old girl which would never think that in a few following years something will happen, what considerably will change and will influence for her life. In that moment it wouldn't come to my mind even for a second, that this "something" somehow can affect me. Definitely for nothing in the world I would suppose that as the eighteen-year-old girl I will be recognised by people which I don't know, abroad, that strange persons will write hundreds of the messages to me, that will ask for photos, and definitely wouldn't come to my mind, that I will become someone's idol. I won't mention also, that if that time somebody told me that in this age I'll be writing the quite widely-read, multimillion blog for two years - I would ridicule him.
Popularity. Whether personally I feel popular? Not. In spite of the fact that some matters can evidence for such a fact and in some people's eyes quite clearly prove, I don't see myself as the person somehow specially popular at all. Why? Modesty? Low self-assessment? Falsehood? Rather not. I just don't like to swagger, I don't care and don't need it. Do I feel any effects of this fact? On this field unfortunately, but yes, apart from these advantages mass of hate appears, of nosey, envious hyaenas without own life which are sitting like such vultures and looking for newer and newer "better" technics in order to destroy my feeling of well-being and as the most demotivate. They don't get it, but after all still are doing themselves this pointless effort.
Some years ago, submerged in the deep unawareness I said that I would never like to have in my life something like that, that I would never like to become recognizable. But well, happened. The time did its own, the ups and downs of life came this way, and that's it, is how it is.
Do I regret? No. Not even a bit. Even in the least I don't regret of establishing this blog, I don't regret that I started writing, having my own website and sharing the part of myself with world. The time is passing, years passed, I don't and I don't intend to entertain with thinking "What would be, if...?". Speculating isn't for me and it won't do anything good for my life. I am how I am, I do what I do and in none, even in one percent I don't regret that I started my activity.

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