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Yesterday, to my great surprise and disbelief, I received a bit strange and unusual proposal from one of the international language schools, that is - an one year travel to the United States was offered to me. Twelve months in fabulous California. The Sun, beach, ocean, relaxation, touring, and in addition language course ending with the certificate appreciated at the best world universities. New experiences, new friendships, new horizons, everything new... American dream which is just coming true in reality. This is the life!
One could think, that only stupid wouldn't take it. After all it's an offer not for the rejection. Someone's biggest dream. Yeah. Of course, for many people such a travel is the greatest dream. And in my case it was also the same. Actually since when I remember, I only had eyes for America. I read about it,  I searched for information, I wondered, how would it be to be there, and best to stay forever and never come back. If I got the same proposal even one year ago, I wouldn't hesitate neither a moment, but instead jumped up and down for joy up to the ceiling, not believing, that I was chosen. And now, at present... Not. It's not for me, my plans changed about 180°, I found my place in the world, place, where I am happy and safe, where I want to stay the longest as only it's possible, maybe forever... My small island oasis of peace... And these aren't United States. For many years I dreamt of the USA, and now, when the chance for such a travel came to me without doing anything, ironically - I don't want it, and what's more I can't imagine to take-off and stay in that place - from one side only, and on the other much - entire year. Maybe it sounds stupidly and irrationally, as rejection of the gift from the fate, the chance which can never come again, but well, this is the truth.



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Maybe it's something human, maybe no, maybe it's something normal, and maybe abnormal... At least it's likely that more often or more rarely is meeting everyone... Today... It caught me. And really, it's not something pleasant - is able to lead to tears. Pure, overfilled with emotions and pain tears. Gallons of tears. And I don't know what's worse: these really helpless questions:  "For what? Why? For what do I exist? Who I actually am? If that all has a sense? If any time my dreams will come true?"... Or billions of swarming thoughts, painfully pinching the mind, the heart and the soul... Or maybe there's no worse and better... After all first and second is an evil. First and second is bringing sadness, suffering, feeling of the nothingness... First and second is leading to the shorter or longer sadness... Doubt is one of the worst things which can meet... Emptiness. Nothing. Suspension. Loneliness in myself. And tears. A lot of tears.


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Past, for one is simply a past time, for other  something beautiful to what have a sentimental attachment, whereas for other is the nightmare which is coming back at nights, doesn't let lightly look ahead. There are also people which from various reasons still are coming back to this past, are attached like with ropes, chained like with shackles, thinking about it and aren't able to break free ahead. In every case so: stop! Unimportant what cause is, let's take a deep breath, relax, let's focus on something pleasant, spend the time with family and friends, love, what we like and let's stop living with what was. Break free. Let's stop looking into the back, just look at what is, what will come, because what in the past already happened it's over and done, was and will never come back! So leave the contemplation, because it in excess can only harm, limit, put into a cage, to destroy mood in the present time, or even revive painful memories. But for what? For what that all? After all we are worth the good life and the frame of mind, so let's not let something what a long time ago came off to history destroy something what can bloom as the beautiful flower, if only we give it the chance. Really, although each of us is carrying on own back the different, lighter or heavier accumulated experience, nobody deserved it, in order to something or somebody from the past, whatever it is, destroyed the here and now and the future for him! Everyone deserves smile and happiness!

In spite of many passages and experience I am happy, and you? ;)


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Not understood. Ridiculed. Simply unknown. Nostalgia. However... No, it's not an evil. No, it's nothing strange. No, it's not cosmos. And no, it's not illness.
Although frequent - confusing with depression is unfair and wounding. Depression is illness requiring healing by the psychiatrist and the psychologist, however the nostalgia doesn't require the healing, and is something completely normal, condition, emotion, sign of the emotional richness. Although it's used synonymously, a nostalgia isn't also melancholy which is far severer it's sister and lengthening in the time, may need therapy.
Fact that many times it's leading to sadness and tears for the very trivial reason, at thought about something what was, about place, person, song, taste, emotion, experience, gallons of tears are flowing into eyes, doesn't mean that it's good and normal to name nostalgic people oversensitive, with crybabies, because it's humiliating and  hurtful towards the persons full of emotion.
And you? What you think? Perhaps you are people, for which nostalgia is a middle name? I am and I'm not ashamed of it. If somebody of you also, be pleased and proud, because it's not a reason to shame, not everyone is able to such a strong and subtle feelings in one.



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About Magdalene Anne

About Magdalene Anne
Military Flight Attendant based in California, USA. Living my Greek-American Dream in a constant surf - fly - tattoo - beach mode. Ex Emirates and VIP here - so don't ask me for cola or I'll give you a super one with dry ice & mentos 😉🌴

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Last flight as the Emirates flight attendant ❤️✈️

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VIP stewardess here ✈️

Flying on Italian wings ✈️

No matter how many years I fly, the joy is always the same ✈️❤️

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