MagdaleneAnne Blog ★: April 2018

Did I burn myself out?

Did I get tired?

Did I run out of steam?

Isn't writing already for me?

Maybe.

I am definitely overtired, actually exhausted. I feel like pumped out. Writing doesn't bring me the joy as it's been doing for a few last years. Creating every single post isn't already coming easy to me, on the contrary, becomes a challenge, with compulsion, I'm lacking mood and power.

I admit I don't have a clue what happens. I don't know what happens to me. Several times within last weeks, the tries of writing the new post finished with tears. Stress? Hormones? I'm not able to understand the current thing, because after all I can't complain, in my life everything is fine, I am happy, the new phase is coming to me, and the blog which until last time has always evoked the smile on my face and I couldn't wait until I sit down and add something new here, after all I loved it. Differently I wouldn't persevere here almost three years, dedicating a lot of time and heart for creating the blog. The blog which was my greatest passion and the blog which now I'm giving a wide berth...

As a matter of fact you probably also noticed that during the last month I had really rarely appeared here. It is partly linked with the big changes occurring in my life, but in part also with the described situation.

What will be now? I don't have a clue. Really. For the first time for years I don't have a clue, what will be next with my website, whether we will survive this crisis, whether it will be the end. One thing is sure. I need rest, relaxation, refreshing and beginning anew. Perhaps after comeback from the travel my condition will be better and then again former will to the work on articles will come back. I can only count on the pardon of the time, I can do nothing more... I only hope that it won't be even worse...

And now? Now most probably I will try to force myself to create something new and to add here, in spite of the complete lack power, not to let to sink something what I created with whole my heart...

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How many times did you hear the question "Why you don't trust me, you don't believe?", "Why won't you give me the chance?"...? I can guess that at least once, and if you didn't hear, probably you asked someone.

Distrust, that's it. People so often wonder, why other people don't trust them, don't believe, aren't able to give the chance. Yet out of all complicated reasons, two are wielding control.

We don't believe the ones we don't know, what is understandable thing and these, we know too well, what is an even more understandable thing.

Distrust for strangers, is an obvious obviousness, the self-preservation instinct which we are being taught for the youngest years, in order not to be deluded and caught in a trap by somebody about bad intentions whom generally speaking we don't know. Nothing new, nothing surprising, just the daily bread.

However a mistrust towards people we know more than enough, is a masterpiece not for idiots, art of the self-defence, something what not everyone can afford, because there still are people who in spite of many scars, are marked by a high indicator of gullibility. It isn't necessary to think long in order to discover where such a phenomenon comes from.

If you went the gunshot wound through, would you rush up to the flying bullet one more time? I guess, that surely no, on the contrary, you would do everything in order to protect yourself from it, right? At least the majority of people about healthy consciousness would act this way. So why knowing a given person and knowing who really is, we would be supposed to trust them or what is worse to refresh it for the second time and next, if once they have already hurt us and we know very well that without a doubt they could and most probably will do it not only once again? After all it's like holding the own head out up to the guillotine. Why to believe promises of the man who already promised the earth many times, but after all did stick a stab in the back? Why to give credence to words of such a person, being aware that these are just empty words?

The most often not the people who generally speaking we don't know, but the ones we know as far as too well, are hurting and untrustworthy, who we are afraid of because we know that they are immature, that it isn't possible to trust them, or else will smash up everything into dust, because we realize that hurting the other man is a piece of cake for them or simply, are insincere, lying vipers, for whom talking about others and scandalmongering is the entire life, or charlatans, wanting only to harm.

Both so-so towards the strange figure it's possible to reduce the distrust by getting to know better and building the trust, so once destroyed towards somebody whom we know long time, or what worse of family members - it is possible to rebuild never.

I know it from my own experience that persons who found their way to my black list years ago, still stay there and there are no chances for me to trust them again. I believe in nothing what they say and do, because I know very well that these are only lies, the falsehood and empty appearances. Once burnt place, remains sensitive forever. A life isn't a film, it isn't possible to withdraw it.

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London.
Beautiful city with the soul, mysterious, famous for cool days and a lot of the rainfall.
The Big Ben, Tower Bridge, London Eye, Oxford Street and the Hyde Park... There are only a few of the considerable list of symbols of this beautiful city, which being here, definitely is worthwhile seeing, and you certainly won't regret it.
Streets and small streets, where the past meets the modernity, effectively enchain and stand out in tourists' memory. Admittedly London has "this something". Even though personally I wouldn't like to live or to stay here for a long time, because I can't stand the cool, humid climate, where the umbrella is an everyday tool kit - atmosphere of this place is charming me, every time I am here. The number of the attraction and absorbing places is large enough, that nobody will be bored, and even if, it is always possible to get into the train and go out to seaside Brighton adored by Londoners and to relax on the beach, listening to the noise of waves or to have a nice time on Brighton Pier, amongst local variety and the nice birds which with great willingness will join to the meal eaten by us 
But! If there is somebody who doesn't like the sweetness, especially chocolate delicious things in the form of M&M's tasting of childhood? If you are also their admirer, you can't not to visit probably the tastiest nook of the British capital city. The proposition sounds the more temptingly, that M&M's World is only in a few places in the world and what's more in the biggest and most well-known and rich metropolises, that is, except London: Las Vegas, Orlando Florida, New York City and Shanghai. Inviting, right? To be so close and not to have break in the land of favourite sweets of the childhood is an inexcusable sin. I recommend and definitely mark this point as unmissable during the visit in the capital of England.
Finishing this short post, not necessarily typical for me and my blog, I can frankly recommend the several days' trip to London and surroundings, however with my own prospect I admit that despite everything I couldn't last here longer than just for a few days, among others because of unfriendly for me climatic conditions, which in the long run are an extreme challenge for me.

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